Mum – don’t read this one. I used the word *whispers* orgasm.

Why do buxon women called Candi keep following me on Twitter? What can I possibly be tweeting to alert their minxy online tentacles. I want them to go away. I don’t want to see their boobs. I find their offer to help me orgasm a bit forward. And I don’t know how they find me. I tweet about the price of nappies, and gin oclock. I don’t twitter on about how I really want to start an online relationship with a busty blonde who has the same name as a packet of sweets. To be honest, I have my suspicions their photos may not be what they really look like…Shawnee and Brandi have the same photo. I am just guessing, not judging or making assumptions. *taps side of head knowingly and pulls a smug face*.

Maybe I will tweet them back a picture of myself in the mornings with no make up on, in my Tesco’s pjs and ask them if they want to be my friend then. Go away, or I will keep sending these photos and will block your twitter page with photos of me looking like Fizz from Corrie.

My husband was delighted when he found out that the Crystals of this world followed me.

Me; “Oh no. Another follow from another Slutbag.”

*Dishes clatter in to the sink and he scampers in from the kitchen* “whhhaaaaat?! Click on the link!”

Me; “NO!! You never click on the links! They might be voles! I mean moles! I mean trolls!”

So ladies, or gentleman, whoever you really are, please stop following me on Twitter. Tom Herbert sometimes replies to my tweets and if he ever see’s a photo of me, looking like Fizz from Corrie on my twitter feed I will kill you.

January 29, 2012. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.